Half Alive
by BizzareBavarian
Summary: Brucas ONESHOT. One day you and I can be free, to live and die by our own rules. Free, despite the fact that men are fools. Rated T for a couple choice words. Attempt at angst.


_Half Alive_  
_Oneshot  
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING; though I would love to own One Tree Hill. Definitely a cool thought.  
Story by:B. Davis FTW_

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The brooding blond turned his head slowly as he awoke, glancing at the clock to the left of him. The bright red numbers told him it was around three in the morning and as he looked away, he turned over, being met with a mess of blond curls. What was that, a glimmer of hope that blond hair would be brown instead? He shook his head, ineffectively trying to shake the thoughts away. His _fiancée_ is _pregnant_, and yet he couldn't keep thoughts of her brunette best friend out of his head. '_It's not fair to her. You've gotta stop this, man._' He thought to himself every single time his mind strayed. But every time he told himself that, he knew he wouldn't be able to help it.

'_When I first got here everyone thought I came for a girl...the girl in the book. But I only came here to make a movie. But now it turns out everyone was right. I am here for the girl in the book...the other girl._' He loved her; she knew it because he told her every day, even when she couldn't return the three words that meant everything, back to him. '_What's holding you back Davis?_' She asked herself the same question every time he told her that he loved her. She hadn't had one meaningful relationship since high school, and considering she was going on twenty-three this year, it was a crazy idea. '_It's a coincidence, that's all. Lucas Scott is my friend, and that's all he'll ever be._' It's what she told Julian as well as herself, knowing neither of them really believed it. They were convenient, that's all, and both Brooke and Julian knew it. He was in love with her best friend, and Brooke was in love with her best friend's fiancée. But you can't say that out loud, no, because that makes you the terrible person Peyton was in high school.

**_It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume  
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own  
I don't know if I'm home  
Or if I lost the way into your room  
I'm spiraling into my doom  
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day  
You and I will be free,_**

"_Broody boy, can't we just screw the rules?" Her cute tone of voice almost had him, but then his common sense took over and he simply shook his head as a smile ran across his face. He moved closer to his fiancée, soon to be wife, and kissed her forehead gently._

"_Now pretty girl, you know very well that we can't do that" His hand found her porcelain face, grazing it lovingly. "One, because Haley would kill me for letting you ditch your sleepover with her, and though she's small, I have to tell you my best friend can pack a punch" His lopsided grin made her laugh a bit. She knew Haley James-Scott's wrath was nothing to be taken lightly "and two, you know how much you'll regret it if you don't spend a night away from me because it's tradition"_

"_You know me too well" She muttered, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. "I'll miss you" She whined, placing soft kisses on his neck as she continued to overreact to the fact she'd be away from the love of her life come tomorrow morning. "Can we just never get married?"_

"_Baby," He chuckled, securing his hands on the small of her back. "This isn't even the first time you've spent a night away from me. What about all those book tours for my book where I was gone for two weeks at a time?"_

"_Those don't count" She whined again, knowing full and well she would have to spend the entire day without Lucas because she had dreamed of her perfect wedding to her perfect man for far too long to throw it away now. He loved her, and though it took them long enough, they were getting married in two days and no one had anything to say about it._

His eyes shot open, and just like the night before, he looked to his left seeing the bright 4:00 from his black alarm clock. It wasn't difficult getting out of the bed; he never held Peyton like he had Brooke, Peyton moved around too much in her sleep. They slept on opposite sides of the bed; her hugging her stomach through the night, and him keeping his hands to himself, much like their relationship. They stayed together for the baby, and that was all.

She was waiting for him at the red picnic table. It wasn't even a surprise after all these years. "You weren't here yesterday" Her raspy voice, laced with thoughts of sleep rang through his ears, and it was the sweetest song he'd heard in a long time.

"Peyton woke up" He mumbled, taking his seat across from her. "She wanted me to get her ice cream or something. I had to drive out of town to find a place that was open" His day felt empty because he hadn't seen Brooke that morning, and he knew he was unnecessarily snappy with everyone he had come in contact with.

"That was nice of you" She flashed him a small smile as he took her fragile hands in his rough, calloused ones. "You'll be a good husband, Luke. Don't worry about it"

"I don't." His reply was short and extremely quick. "She's not the one I want to marry."

**_To live and die by our own rules,  
free...  
Despite the fact that men are fools._**

"Luke, don't do this to me tonight, alright?" She shook her head, not removing her hands from his though. As frustrated as she could ever get with him, she would _never_ remove her hands from his. "It's not fair to me, Peyton, or Julian. Better yet, it's not fair to you." Her eyes, which had previously taken residence staring at the red wood, finally met his ice blue ones. "You made your choice Luke."

"How is it not fair to me, Brooke?" His voice didn't rise at all, but she could hear the frustration in it. Like her, he couldn't bear to move his hands from hers, in fear that she'd run. "Because I think _this _situation isn't fair to me. I have to sleep next to a woman every night that won't even let me hold her! I find myself constantly comparing her to you, and suddenly her imperfections are all I see" The two had more or less the same conversation every night, and every night they parted, just to see each other in daylight and pretend that nothing had happened that morning.

**_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try  
and save me.  
It's okay that we're dying,  
but I need to survive tonight, tonight. _**

"Luke…you can't, okay? You have to stop. I _refuse_ to be like her in high school, especially when she's pregnant with your child!" She hissed the last part, but he knew she wasn't mad at him. She never got truly mad at him.

"Brooke, I need you to be my wife. It's not like if I'm with you, I leave her and the baby and never see them again" He fought back softly, knowing it was fruitless because she was a better person than Peyton was. She would always put her own happiness on the backburner for those she held dear. "I love you Brooke, not her. People make mistakes, but you have to let me fix mine"

"Fix yours? Really Luke, because the first time you thought Peyton was a 'mistake', you and I have an amazing night in New York and we have sex, and then I come back to Tree Hill to find you playing house with your editor!" Her eyes narrowed slightly and her head cocked to the side. "But I guess that was just a 'mistake' too, right?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm. "You can't keep expecting to get do-over's every time you realize you made a mistake. You have more to think about this time Lucas." His eyes left hers and gazed back down at their hands. "You have a _child_ to think about. And I won't let you leave Peyton and your child for you to come back to me and realize it was just another 'mistake'. My heart can't handle that"

**_Well excuse me while I get killed softly,  
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay  
At least 'til yesterday,  
You know you got me off my highest guard,  
Believe me when I say it's hard.  
We'll get through this tonight  
and I know one day you and I will be free _**

"You know there's not a second that I wish that baby is yours and not hers" He knew it sounded bad, but it was true. He regretted the fact that he took Brooke for granted, and all he wanted was one more chance. "Brooke, you realize I dream about you every night, right?" His eyes moved upward again, meeting hers. He saw the tears forming in her eyes, and as much as he hated doing this to her, he had to every single morning until she realized that his love for her wasn't conditional. "Tonight it was the night before the day before our wedding. You were complaining about the fact that you had to spend twenty-four hours away from me, and we were _happy_ for once."

"Who are you to say I'm not happy with Julian? He loves me; he left his life in L.A. for _me_. I know for a fact that he wants me, and only me." She dropped his hand and he moved to her side of the table, facing her on the bench. "He's willing to start a family with me, Luke, and there's no strings attached to his love for me. There's no Peyton"

"Bullshit Brooke!" He cried, "He _told_ you he came back for Peyton, and ended up getting you instead. Seriously? I know I fucked up a couple times, but my speeches for you were definitely better than _his._"

"But yours never followed through, did they?" She shot back quickly, seeing his eyes drop again.

"I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis, and I _refuse_ to go on with Peyton while I feel this way for you." He saw her begin to open her mouth, and he shook his head, placing a finger on her lips "and before you say one word about my baby with her, you should know well enough by know that I will never be Dan. You know I won't. I'll love that baby with every fiber of my being, but I want my baby with Peyton to also have you." He leaned forward, sweeping his lips against hers slowly, as to test the waters first before diving in. Brooke found herself going the rest of the way though, as much as her conscious told her not to. She returned the kiss with complete passion.

**_To live and die by our own rules,  
Free...  
Despite the fact that men are fools._**

"Run away with me." His words were simple, and she pulled away slowly, giving him a skeptical look. Even after all their mornings, he never said that. Just that he wanted her to be his, and only his. "We can get married on the Jersey Shore, away from everybody. We can start our own life, Brooke. We can have the two boys and a girl with the white picket fence, and a red door and everything." His hands held hers tighter as the thoughts ran through his head like marathon runners. "Come with me Brooke. We can _live_ again"

**_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try  
and save me.  
It's okay that we're dying,  
but I need to survive tonight, tonight._**

"Luke..."

"Brooke, I know you don't want to do what she did to you. But she and I aren't in love anymore; we just thought we were because it was the safe choice. We had all those years in high school figuring out if we wanted each other and we invested so much time into it that everyone just expected us to be together in the end. Somewhere along the way, we figured we had to." He knew Peyton wanted Julian. He hadn't expected it to not matter at all, but it really didn't. Julian was a nice enough guy when he wasn't with Brooke. _You can't give up on Brooke Davis, because then, you're a fool._ A lovesick fool, anyway.

"You're crazy, Luke. This whole thing is crazy! We can't do this, okay? It's not fair, and let alone that, it's not _right_." She was stubborn, and he knew it. She always had been, and he didn't blame her to be in this situation. She had always been the one fighting for them while he was off wondering about the one girl he couldn't have.

"He doesn't love you." It was harsh, he knew, but he hadn't expected her hand to collide with his face like it had. He placed his hand against his face, trying to regain his composure as he looked back at her. There were the tears again, and he felt a pang in his heart. "Oh Brooke, I'm...I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean it"

"Don't you dare Lucas Scott." She said slowly, the tears from her eyes sliding down her porcelain face just as slowly. "Don't you dare tell me he doesn't love me. He does, I know he does."

"He's jealous of us, you know" Lucas knew he was teetering on the boundary, but he had to get her. He needed her. "He's insecure of the fact that your last real relationship was with me. It scares him that you and I were so close, and we're still able to be so close after our history." He took her face in his hands, searching her eyes for any glimmer of hope that he was getting through to her. "We matter, Brooke. You're all I want. No, scratch that, you're all I _need."_

**_And you touch my hand ever so slightly  
Girl we're not ready for this yet  
And the deadly look she cast upon me  
I won't regret, I won't regret  
I won't regret. I won't regret..._**

"Lucas, you're going to regret this, I know it" She shook her head, refusing to look at him again. She would fall in love with him all over again if she did, and she knew it. Though as this conversation continued the way it was, she found her resolve dissolving bit by bit, and she found it harder to resist him.

"Damnit Brooke! I'm fighting as hard as I possibly can for you here! This is what you wanted from me. Hell, it's what you want from every guy who comes into contact with you! Why can't you just accept the fact that I've chosen _you_?!" He's pleading with her more than anything, and he refuses to give up.

"Oh I don't know Lucas, maybe because you're four years too late?" Her eyes narrow at him, and he can't help but sigh. "Plus our history hasn't given me much of a reason to get on the bandwagon with you"

"People change Brooke! You tell every single person who doubts you that you're not the same person you were in high school, but you don't hold _anyone_ else to that standard" He's being a douche bag, and he knows it. But he _needs_ her to listen to him when he tells her he's changed. "I'm not going to regret this Brooke; I'm not that guy anymore. I love you! I swear to God, I can't even begin to explain how much I love you"

"Stop Luke, you can't start another speech..." He can't start another speech because she knows she'll crack if he does, and she'll melt into his arms and let him throw everything away. He _can't_ give her another speech.

**_And I was trying to disappear,  
But you got me wrapped around you  
I can hardly breathe without you  
I was trying to disappear  
But I got lost in your eyes now,  
You brought me down to size now._**

"Brooke, this is my third embarrassing speech for you, but third time's a charm, right? I'll string words together to explain how much I love you every day of the week if you need me to, because that's how much I love you. I can't see myself living with Peyton as anything more than friends. The fact that we're having a baby together both bring me happiness, but also sadness. Happiness because I get the chance to be the father that mine never was, but sadness because that baby is not yours. I told you I want every single one of my children to be yours. But that doesn't mean I'll love this one any less. I need you, Brooke. I need you to be the one I wake up in the morning to, and I need you to be the one in my arms when I go to sleep at night. I know for a fact it'll be the best sleep you've had since high school because I know damn well I will not be waking up at four in the morning with you in my arms. We'll miss work every once in a while, just staying in bed with you in my arms and it'll be complete and total bliss." He watched as her face softened, and he knew he was getting to her.

"We'll have three kids of our own, and hopefully they'll be two boys and a little girl. But if not, then that's fine. We'll keep going until we get some kind of two to one ratio form thing" He smirked as she laughed lightly, "Even if we end up having a million little girls, it won't matter to me. I'll be surrounded by estrogen, but I'll be the happiest man alive with all million and one of my girls. If we have a million Scott boys, well good luck to you Brooke Davis" Another laugh escaped from her mouth, and he knew he was on the right track. "Brooke, in all seriousness though, I can't live without you by my side. I'll love you for forever and a day if you'll just give me a chance. I know I haven't taken your chances seriously in the past, but I promise you I won't let you down this time. I love you, pretty girl"

**_I'm almost alive  
and I need you to try and save me.  
It's okay that we're dying  
but I need to survive tonight, tonight  
tonight..._**

He was met with a nerve wracking silence as Brooke thought to herself. _Well Davis, this is it. You can take the man you know you'll be happy with, or you can leave. Leave and probably never be as happy as you could be._ She bit down on her lip as she moved toward him, taking his hand in hers for the third time that night. "Luke, I think it's my turn for a speech."

"You're supposed to be with Peyton, Luke. I know that, and the rest of the world knows it. I'm not _supposed_ to be with anybody. I choose who I want to be with because of how they've treated me. You and I don't have the best track record, but you're right. I haven't held anyone else to the same standard I expect them to hold me to. You _have_ changed since high school Luke. When I see you with Jamie, I see you and Keith even though I wasn't there during those times. I could never pin you to be anything like Dan because you're already _so_ much like Keith. You're kind, wise, caring and a hell of a guy when it comes to the girl you love. But Luke, sometimes all that isn't enough. Things aren't as cut and dry for us right now. You're supposed to be with Peyton! Maybe things don't go as they're supposed to all the time..."

"Brooke, you're killing me here" She shook her head, a smile forming on her face, and he knew. He had her. His nervous expression changed to a full on grin as he stood up, lifting her into his arms and spinning her around. "Ah, pretty girl, you're the only woman I want." He reiterated, leaning forward and taking her face in his hands.

"You're the only man I want, Broody" She closed the gap between them, planting her lips against his with such passion it sent him a step backwards before he could regain his balance.

_"Brooke?"  
_

**_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try  
and save me.  
It's okay that we're dying,  
but I need to survive tonight, tonight.  
I need to survive tonight, tonight_**

She woke up with a jolt. Once she had realized where she was, she saw Julian lying in bed next to her, with a confused look etched on his face. It was all a dream. She was still with Julian, and there was no early morning confession with Lucas. After regaining her composure, she looked at Julian. "Hey Ju... something wrong?" She asked absently, she was still wracking her brain with her dream.

"You said 'you're the only man I want, Broody'. Who's Broody, Brooke?" Her eyes darted toward his as shock washed over her. She spoke in her sleep? But that was such a Peyton thing to do! "It's Lucas, isn't it?" The brunette was speechless. She couldn't believe that this was really happening to her.

"No, no Julian. It's not like that-"

"You love him its fine. I get it. Just another footnote in someone else's love story, right?" A weak smile etched across his face as he slowly got out of her bed, kissing her forehead lightly. "Go get him Brooke Davis" Wait a second. Was he serious? Was it really going to be that easy? He wasn't going to fight for her at all?

Julian walked out Brooke's bedroom door, only to find Lucas breathless and running toward him. The same weak smile he gave to Brooke, he gave to Lucas. "Don't hurt her, man" A simple nod between the two men, and Julian left the house while Lucas ran into Brooke's bedroom.

"Luke? What are you doing here? I'm so confused, I had this crazy dream last night where you and I actually-"

"I left Peyton." His words were short and quick, and he moved onto the bed, kissing Brooke deeply. "I left her for you. I love you Brooke Davis. I'll love you for forever and a day" Brooke simply smiled. Their words had already been said. Brooke got her first embarrassing speech, and Lucas his third. They could finally be happy together, and no longer half alive.

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**AN: Not my normal length, but eh. It's kind of late. I also edited this really quick so sorry if there's lots of mistakes. I recently found that I've been writing a lot of Brathan lately, and that's actually not so cool for my Brucas lovers, so I wrote this. Sorry if you can't follow it. This was a written on a whim. I've been working on Best Friends for Life, don't worry. It's just not where I want it to be quite yet. I'm trying to get it out to you guys, I swear. Alright, well leave me some feedback on this one, and I'll get writing on my other stories!**

**Song: Half Alive by Secondhand Serenade.**


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